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Saturday, 17 November 2012

Passion Lost

1st November 2012

One of the words that describes me is passionate. I am passionate about life, about what I believe in, politics, Nigeria and Africa, the people I love etc etc. I've always wondered how people get bored. I am never bored. I love my own company and also love hanging with other people. I have a vast inner landscape that keeps me constantly occupied. I can live in my head and simply enjoy my thoughts. Throw me on a desert Island alone with food, books and a way of writing and I'll happily survive for at least a year. One of my most fun activities is driving alone at night up dark motorway, music blasting, air-conditioner on - alone with my thoughts and chilling with myself.

Does this make me sound like a loner? Far from it. I love being around people. I love being with people I love. I love talking and hanging with my friends - in person or over the phone.

However, the last few weeks have felt grey. It has been a loss of passion. Before these few weeks, I took it for granted that I always woke up with a bounce in my step; that I never stopped being optimistic; that I have always really believed no matter how crappy things were, that something good was around the corner. I have learnt now, that I was like that because I had the wonderful gift that is passion - the gift of loving life, and the people in my life totally.

It was a shock to find my job boring, to not feel like writing, to find myself seeing life in a different way. Yes it is true that I had a lot going on - things hit a slump work-wise, my finances were in a mess, my sturdy car packed up on me and was a write-off - but I have had all this and more thrown at me in the past, and I still saw life in glorious colour. 'Of course' in the middle of all of this, I turned to food. Food is always comforting, isn't it? Shame the lbs it adds on are sooooooo not comforting! *pout*

So what did I do when I realised grey was becoming the new colour of the landscape of my life? I prayed first. Then I began tidying my house, decluttering, dumping stuff and putting other things in the loft. I wrote up an action plan to tackle some aspects of my job, I chilled by digging out a stack of books from my library and reading loads to relax and I began watching a little more tv. Instead of the my usual fare of the News, I am watching Numbrs, Castle, Criminal Minds, Burden of Proof etc. I intend to veg out one weekend watching the new Sky 007 Channel. It will be interesting to see if I can get through every James Bond film.

This week I have rented out a couple of places that have been empty for a few months due to renovation and other issues. That immediately gives my finances a welcome kick-boost. Next week I'll need to start looking for a car as work and my life means living without a car is waaaaayyyyyyy tooooooooo difficult. Instead of twisting my hair myself, I plan to go to a salon, give myself the works, and get em twisted and have colour added. I'll also begin seriously working on the 15lbs I foolishly allowed myself to pile on over the last couple of months.

Sometimes, it is only when you lose stuff, that you realise many things are a gift. I am not yet back to 100% passion of my passionate self but I am at 65% - 70%. Compared to where I was last week, I could dance a jig.


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