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Wednesday, 31 October 2012

My inner fat chick is struggling to come out... Weight loss journey cont

"You are worth more than this (that), so act like it..." ~ The Biggest Loser. 

Those real true words have hit me smack, bang in the gut. It is time to stop eating crap. Yes, I am worth more than the slice of cake I just stuffed into my mouth, or the pralines and cream ice-cream I had yesterday. This is stuff I don't need or even miss - so why am I shovelling it down my throat?

I realise there's a fat girl inside of me just sneakily waiting to come out. She is totally tired of this 'trying to lose weight' thing. It just seems soooo long and never ending. Oh, please, she begs, please just let me go back to my old habits; let me eat lashings of yam pottage, acres of snowy rice, forkfuls of pasta, mouthfuls of puff-puff (an African doughnut like snack) and mountains of sweet soft white luscious hard -dough bread.

But but, I have come to realise that I honestly care a lot less about food than I thought before I began this weight-loss journey. My greatest craving these days is for cucumbers and tomatoes (crazy huh). I am eating silly unhealthy stuff, not because I crave the food, but because I am comfort eating. Comfort eating is my biggest issue, my greatest fight, the bug-bear that refuses to leave me or that I refuse to let go of.

My absolute favourite meal these days, is a dinner comprising 2 toasted bagels, 1 filled with a slice of ham and slices of tomatoes and cucumbers, (no mayo or any dressing), and the 2nd bagel, spread with olive oil spread (instead of butter) and honey. A side bowl of a cold whole cucumber (sliced up), and 2 tomatoes, and about 10 - 12 brazil nuts, a cup of green tea flavoured with apple and pear, and I am a very happy camper.

However, once I begin to go down the comfort eating route, I want carbs. Carbs, carbs, carbs, and loads of carbs! *sigh*

I have had so much going on around me - things have been pretty 'hairy' with work, my bank account's been laughing mockingly at me, my insomnia has been making itself pretty known, my car's packed up - ahhhhh, name it, it's all been happening all at once. So what does comfort eater mee do?? Yeah, you guess right - I turn straight to food. But those are excuses, right? I know what the issues are and food doesn't resolve any issues..... It just ultimately makes em worse!!

Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! (That's me pulling out my hair! LOL)

It is time to stop this craziness. I know one of my biggest discouragements is because my weight refuses to go under 60kg. I want to be between 55 - 57kg. But the lowest I've hit is 61kg earlier this year. When I first hit that weight, after being extremely excited, I got discouraged because I couldn't seem to lose any weight after that.  I began to comfort-eat until I went back up to 67kg. I did lose those 6kg, but after life threw a ton of stuff at me, I began comfort eating again and was also so busy that I was eating a lot of take-out food (which we all know is usually cooked extremely unhealthily). Before you know it, the scales are currently saying 66kg. I am tired & fed-up. It's like getting to my goal weight will never ever happen.

I need to keep reminding myself that going down from 96kg to 61 - 67kgs is great and I have to stop beating myself up over the head for not being able to get down to 55kg - 57kg (yet).

Dear LORD, help me get my head straight. I need YOU so much.

Ahhhhhh well, I am trying to get myself centred by pasting up and looking at a few pics - The first two pics are of me in July and August 2012 this year (A coupla months back). The 3rd, 4th and 5th pics are me at my very heaviest back in April 2009.

Like I keep reminding myself, this weight-loss journey is a marathon and not a sprint. I am staying on this journey, this race, for the long-term, no matter how times I might slip, stumble or fall. 


   July 2012 (On my way to Ikea - 62kg or 136.4kg)

August 2012 (Summer Barbeque - 62kg or 136.4kg)


April 2009 (Dressed for brother's wedding - 211.2lbs or 96kg)  (side view of the same pic) 

                        April 2009 (Thought I looked okay on the day until I saw this pic - wanted to cry)





MissHaneefa said...

OMG you look like a completely different person! AMAZING work! You look 15 years younger.

Noir said...

Thank-you sooooooooo much Miss Haneefa. That is awesomely encouraging to me right now. x

luv_lyfe93 said...

Looool you literally do look way younger :D inspirational!

luv_lyfe93 said...

*wooooow darn predictive text lol

Noir said...

Awwwww, thank-ya luv_lyfe93 ... :-)

Noir said...

Lol! Predictive text can be sooooo funny sometimes with some of the things it comes up with ... *giggle*

Greg said...