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Sunday, 2 December 2012

Are FOUR Private Jets really enough? - Nigerian Pastors & Private Jets

Is the Nigerian church a cancer on the Nigerian body? 

Instead of the Nigerian church being a beacon of light shining brightly in the thick darkness of the corruption & wickedness that is destroying the country, and a force for moral good in a society that has fallen prey to every immoral evil possible, instead of being an example for piety & good works, many parts of the Nigerian Church have become a byword for reckless extravagance, decadent living & the flaunting of wealth by corrupt pastors, general overseers and the numerous other lofty titles those who lord it over GOD's people are busy giving themselves.

These pastors say loudly to justify their excesses: 'My GOD is not a GOD of the poor.' And to that I simply ask: which GOD are they talking about? Jesus said 'The poor will always be among you.' GOD says, 'I am the defender of the widow, the fatherless, and when the poor man cries out to His maker, I will hear and defend him.'

Please do not misunderstand & twist my words - I am not saying GOD does not bless His children & neither am I saying poverty necessarily makes anyone closer to GOD. However, the purpose of GOD blessing His children, is so those blessed can bless others. It is so we can clothe the naked, feed the hungry, take care of the widows & orphans, look after the poor - in short, the church as characterised by the early Church in the Acts of the Apostles, was a place where the rich and indeed everyone in the congregation, freely shared their wealth & gave generously of all they has, so that the poor in the church were taken care of.

Please notice, the Apostles did not buy Donkeys, Camels, build large houses for themselves or take ANY of the gifts given by the church members, to enrich themselves in anyway. When Barnabas sold a plot of land, and placed the money as a gift at Apostle Peter's feet, Peter did not rush out to buy a Chariot for his wife, or a Donkey for himself. He did not claim he needed Chariot SUV model 4.0 to help spread and propagate the gospel! Peter immediately turned the money over to the church. The money and gifts given were NOT handled by the apostles either. Instead, 7 god-fearing men were chosen as deacons to take care of the administration of the funds which were then used to feed and clothe poor widows and orphans & other destitute members of the church.

It is interesting that instead of handling and administering the monies and gifts, the Apostles wisely chose to give themselves over to the teaching and preaching of the Word of GOD to build-up the Body of believers. They knew that looking after the body of Christ, the believers(what is actually the Church) was the true calling GOD had appointed them to. This was the charge left to them by Jesus Christ. Neither the Apostles, nor the deacons saw these monies and gifts as a source of wealth to enrich themselves in anyway. They knew the money was GOD's money and treated it with the diligence and moral uprightness required.

However this is not the case we see in Nigeria today. Instead of this example, what we have in many parts of the Nigerian Church, should make those who truly love Jesus Christ weep. Pastors are wealthy beyond imagining. Their wealth is often built solely on the tithes and offerings of their congregations or the sales of books/videos/7 steps to wealth etc forced down the throats of the congregation. General Overseers are scrambling to out-do each other in the purchase of private jets. Some actually boast of having 4 jets. Others claim their church members love them so much, they have purchased them a private jet as a birthday gift! Others talk about foreign donations of stretch limousines given as gifts to their wives! This in a country where over 60% of the population live on less than $2 daily! These pastors have members in their congregation who cannot afford to eat 3 times daily, who struggle to pay their rent, whose children are kicked out of school for the non-payment of school fees etc. What is the response of these churches & the so-called men of God running them? Do they sell their possessions to help? Or sell these gifts to give help lift these ones out of poverty? Did the one who received a private Jet as a birthday gift, thank his congregation and then immediately sell the gift to help the destitute? Nope - instead of this, congregations are harangued for more tithes and greater offerings. These offerings and tithes are then spent recklessly on building programmes for bigger and flashier edifices, on bigger and flashier cars and jets for the pastor/overseer, on private schools and universities (which the members of the congregation who donated the money that established the schools) cannot then afford to send their own children to.

To anyone who has any understanding, this is a clear-cut disgrace. This unabashed love for mammon and absolute worship at his altar, and the solidifying of mammon's temple, should leave us all wondering if mammon is not the prevalent spirit in these ministries. If that is the case, let us please note that mammon is an agent of the devil. The bible says 'the LOVE of mammon is the root of all evil. The devil is called 'the god of this world'. So again I ask, which god is actually being worshipped by many of these pastors, GO's, daddies etc?

These churches that they have established & lead are far removed from the example of the early Church in the Acts of the Apostles, and the Churches set up by Paul, Peter, John and the other Apostles in the Gentile territories they visited & preached the gospel of Christ in.

To anyone who leaps to defend their church, pastor, general overseer, etc - I ask one simple thing; Who is the true Head & overseer of the church? To whom does the Church belong? His name is Jesus Christ. The Church at large belongs to Him alone. The foundation of the Church is His death, blood, resurrection & sacrifice, so ANY so-called church that is set-up & run contrary to His principles, teachings, doctrines, and the example of His lifestyle, is CLEARLY wrong.

I'll ask the defenders of the corruption & wrong teaching - is your loyalty to Jesus Christ or to your pastor? Were you saved by your pastor or by Jesus Christ? If the Bible (the word and teaching of Jesus Christ), points out clearly that your pastor, church, doctrine, and what you believe are wrong, will you repent, bow the knee, accept Jesus Christ's authority and follow Him, or will you continue to shrilly defend the corrupt lifestyle and reckless extravagance of your pastor & so-called man of God?

And before ANYONE uses that lame and totally silly defence of 'touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm', PLEASE first go and read 1st Chronicles 16:22 which explains the true meaning of this verse. Read what the verse actually means, the context it is used in, who are actually the anointed and prophet(s) referred to, and then please learn to stop quoting it blindly and wrongly. No part of the scriptures were written so that a verse can be twisted & used out of context by corrupt pastors, charlatans and con-men to quell any dissent as they set-out to defraud and rob the people of GOD and the house of GOD.

It is up to us to read our bibles for ourselves, and pattern our lives after the Godly examples set out in the scriptures. Nobody will have any excuse for the blind & slavish following of any man or woman simply because they are tagged 'pastors'. We are called to follow Jesus Christ. His life and example is laid-out clearly in the Bible.


Monday, 19 November 2012

"Hold my heart ... I don't wanna let go too soon" ... music & video

"Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you"

And Sara Bareilles sings plaintively - 'Does anybody know how to hold my heart? I don't wanna let go of you' ...

Tis been a lazy Sunday here. I've just finished giving myself a pedicure, washed off my clay mud face-mask, and I am now chilling and reflecting upon the words of the song. Let me explain - I always find myself listening out for the words of a song - sure the tune might be banging, but if the words aren't right, it doesn't really do much for me. I love the way the words in this song are cleverly presented as a 'make-up' or 'break-up' song - it's left up to the two people in the relationship to decide what to do.

Too often when our hearts are really involved, the temptation arises to hide the depths of our feelings from the other person. We don't want to reveal how much losing them would hurt. When we are truly in love however, we all want the person we love 'to hold our hearts' and to not let go of us, no matter how bad things are at the time. 

True love never wants to give up, it never wants to walk away, it stubbornly believes that things will get better. However love cannot exist in a vacuum - it takes two people to be in a love relationship. No matter how fierce or determined or passionate or committed the love of one person in the relationship is for the other, that one person cannot love enough for both parties in the relationship. When love is not returned, it is NOT a relationship! LOL. At least, it is not the kind of relationship that any self-respecting adult should want or choose to be in. 

You cannot love another person so much that they will be forced to love you in return. It doesn't quite work that way. Love cannot be forced, manipulated, coerced or demanded. Love can be 'won', yes, but it is still a gift that is freely given. When you are blessed enough to be given that gift and you also love the other in return, then hold unto what you have tightly. 

Don't let go.


Saturday, 17 November 2012

Passion Regained

I wrote the previous piece, 'Passion Lost', back at the beginning of the November but didn't get round to posting it until earlier today. 

All I can say is - life is awesome when passion returns. It is a mega feeling to no longer be in the place that I was. GOD is my greatest passion and when I take my eyes off Him, then things begin to suck big-time. However, when passion and motivation return, things around that weren't working begin to fall into place.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have miraculously had a few more places rented, my bank manager has stopped snarling every time he sees me, *giggle* and I actually found the car I really want at an awesome price - however, I sadly lost out on that so I am still searching.  I even have high hopes the saga of my still-not-yet-finished kitchen will be completed before the end of December. I did not quite get round to watching every James Bond film but caught quite a few, and I have also now just yesterday had my hair coloured. It is still in twists but the new colour gives it a cool new look (I think). I'll give it a few days and then maybe put up a couple of pics of the new look. 

I finally am beginning to get excited about the thought of writing again. I've had the outline of a book dancing and floating about in my head for a while but had not got round to doing more than sketching out the bare outline. And, one of my greatest bug-bears - I actually got round to revisiting the novel I finished yonks ago and I am now 60% through what will hopefully be the final rewrite.

Best of all, I have lost the nasty crappy 15lbs I put on the last few months. Being back to 62kg is a whole lot better than tethering on 69kg! LOL. All I need to do now is to get down to 58kg and I'll be a verryyyyyyy happy camper.

Passion is an awesome thing. Embrace it and don't ever let it go.


Passion Lost

1st November 2012

One of the words that describes me is passionate. I am passionate about life, about what I believe in, politics, Nigeria and Africa, the people I love etc etc. I've always wondered how people get bored. I am never bored. I love my own company and also love hanging with other people. I have a vast inner landscape that keeps me constantly occupied. I can live in my head and simply enjoy my thoughts. Throw me on a desert Island alone with food, books and a way of writing and I'll happily survive for at least a year. One of my most fun activities is driving alone at night up dark motorway, music blasting, air-conditioner on - alone with my thoughts and chilling with myself.

Does this make me sound like a loner? Far from it. I love being around people. I love being with people I love. I love talking and hanging with my friends - in person or over the phone.

However, the last few weeks have felt grey. It has been a loss of passion. Before these few weeks, I took it for granted that I always woke up with a bounce in my step; that I never stopped being optimistic; that I have always really believed no matter how crappy things were, that something good was around the corner. I have learnt now, that I was like that because I had the wonderful gift that is passion - the gift of loving life, and the people in my life totally.

It was a shock to find my job boring, to not feel like writing, to find myself seeing life in a different way. Yes it is true that I had a lot going on - things hit a slump work-wise, my finances were in a mess, my sturdy car packed up on me and was a write-off - but I have had all this and more thrown at me in the past, and I still saw life in glorious colour. 'Of course' in the middle of all of this, I turned to food. Food is always comforting, isn't it? Shame the lbs it adds on are sooooooo not comforting! *pout*

So what did I do when I realised grey was becoming the new colour of the landscape of my life? I prayed first. Then I began tidying my house, decluttering, dumping stuff and putting other things in the loft. I wrote up an action plan to tackle some aspects of my job, I chilled by digging out a stack of books from my library and reading loads to relax and I began watching a little more tv. Instead of the my usual fare of the News, I am watching Numbrs, Castle, Criminal Minds, Burden of Proof etc. I intend to veg out one weekend watching the new Sky 007 Channel. It will be interesting to see if I can get through every James Bond film.

This week I have rented out a couple of places that have been empty for a few months due to renovation and other issues. That immediately gives my finances a welcome kick-boost. Next week I'll need to start looking for a car as work and my life means living without a car is waaaaayyyyyyy tooooooooo difficult. Instead of twisting my hair myself, I plan to go to a salon, give myself the works, and get em twisted and have colour added. I'll also begin seriously working on the 15lbs I foolishly allowed myself to pile on over the last couple of months.

Sometimes, it is only when you lose stuff, that you realise many things are a gift. I am not yet back to 100% passion of my passionate self but I am at 65% - 70%. Compared to where I was last week, I could dance a jig.


Friday, 9 November 2012

Video: An emotional President Obama breaks down and cries as he thanks campaign staff: "I'm Really Proud of All of You."

I am thrilled to bits at President Obama's victory. Here is an amazing video of him getting emotional and wiping away tears as he speaks to campaign staff after his re-election. Gracious, real, unassuming, it is wonderful to see the most powerful leader in the world speaking directly from the heart.

He truly is the Man!!


Thursday, 8 November 2012

Stormy Weather...

Jesus Calms the Storm

35 As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” 36 So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed).37 But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.
38 Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”
39 When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40 Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
41 The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!” 

Mark 4: 35 - 41

Jesus, my refuge in the Storm

For many years, despite having the ability to look and sound outwardly calm & unruffled no matter what was going on around me, I used to fret inwardly if stuff I wanted wasn't happening the way I wanted or if things were going wrong.

However, when I found myself staring into the abyss, when I reached the end of myself, when i felt completely helpless and without any strength, when nothing around me was working the way it should, then I truly found real peace.

GOD has come to mean more to me this year than He ever has. Yes, the waves have billowed, my boat has been rocked tremendously, huge storms have broken around me, and I have sometimes felt adrift and alone on a huge ocean, in a tiny boat that is shuddering, taking in water and looking for all the world like it is capsizing. But I have come to know (practically & not just in theory) that JESUS is in my boat with me. He will calm the waves and the storm. Because of Him, I can trust and believe I'll get across safely to the other side. He's the One who said, let's take a boat across to the other side. Jesus WILL get to the other side. So despite it looking like He is sleeping and doesn't care, my job is not to fret or panic. All I need to do is grab a pillow and go to sleep too! LOL. If Jesus ain't drowning, then neither am I.

GOD's great gift of peace is one to be cherished. We really cannot lose our peace once we understand that the peace GOD gives us is not a 'feeling'. GOD's peace is a person. Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. He will never leave or forsake us. He urges us to be at peace in the middle of the storm. He says, 'I am right here. Let not your heart be troubled. Keep your eyes fixed on Me and not on the circumstances around you. I'll never ever let you go. I always have your back.'

Battered storm-tossed city, you will be rebuilt upon foundations of solid gold & precious gemstones.

GOD is on my (our) side. It doesn't matter whether I have everything or nothing. With Him in my life, I have absolutely everything important that I need. Take the whole world away from me, but just leave me with Jesus. I will depend upon Him & lean upon Him always.

He is my anchor.


Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Fallen ~ Sarah McLachlan ( Video & lyrics)

I've had this song on loop for the past hour. It speaks so deeply to me & feels like a poem. While the lyrics are sad and full of regret and loss, they don't leave me melancholy. Why? Because I look at my life, and instead of reflecting upon my very many mistakes, I am instead  compelled to reflect upon GOD who has wiped away everything I've ever done wrong. His love makes me clean and new and whole. His answer for my sins is grace, forgiveness and mercy. Precious LORD, I fall deeper in love with You everyday. The day I met JESUS was the greatest day ever. 

It doesn't matter what we've done or think we've done, GOD's forgiveness and grace is available to anyone who truly asks for it.


                                                             Sarah Mclachlan - Fallen


Heaven bend to take my hand and lead me through the fire 
Be the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight 
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way, I got caught up in all there was to offer 
But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried,

I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know 
So don't come 'round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything 
I've held so dear


I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know 
So don't come 'round here and
Tell me I told you so


Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads, embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one miss step, one slip, before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried,


I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know 
So don't come 'round here and
Tell me I told you so

I've messed up
Better I should know
Don't come 'round here and
Tell me I told you so

Monday, 5 November 2012

Drum Beat...

Should I stay or should I go?

When the sign is blasted
Will I know?..

Life is a drum beat
Dancing slow..

Dancing slow
Then I'll know...

Life is a drum beat
Dancing slow..

Noir 2012

The peeps in my life...

Hmmmm. Now while I am very passionate about current affairs, politics, writing and a few other things, I am mostly laid back in manner. Criticise me, my writing, my Christianity etc and it often rolls off me like water off a Duck's back. I might moan to a friend for a couple of minutes, but unless you are a total plonker who is an absolute repeat offender, I simply think you are having a bad day or off your game & so I simply shrug.

HOWEVER unjustly criticise my son, siblings, parents, best friend, the guy in my life, and any of the peeps really important to me, or GOD & JESUS CHRIST and you'll actually notice my eyes narrow and the colour of em change! Yup, dem eyes go bright red! I am fiercely loyal and committed to those I love. I will stand up for them, and stick up for them, wherever I am and no matter who you are.

I rarely ever get upset or feel the need to speak my mind, but when I do, I do not 'do' Naija 'oju-aiye' (African 'politeness'). I will never call anyone names or behave inappropriately. Nor will I ever be rude, crude or cruel.

But you will get a mega-polite ticking-off coming at you from both barrels...



Sunday, 4 November 2012

Shakin' it up ...

Lately life's seemingly been an endless cycle of work, work, work, worry, work, work, worry, work, work... *rolling-my-eyes* 

Tis time for me to shake that up & live a lil... ;-)

Sooooo, a 'Guy Fawkes night' fireworks display tomorrow evening & catching 'Skyfall' on Tuesday, seems like a cool way to begin to dispel this 'All work and no play makes Noir a very dull gal' routine that I have goin' on.

Who knows what I might then get to pencil in on Wednesday??? *wide-eyed-dwelling-upon-the-endless-possibilities* *giggle*

Live life to the fullest - always.


Do you want to achieve your fullest potential?

“Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.” ~ Martin Heidegger

Just watched NCIS and McGee gave the brilliant quote above that I simply had to google to find out more about.

GOD has given us the awesome gift of life AND all we need to be the best and greatest that we can be as we crawl/walk/run our own individual paths. What we do with this gift, the gazilliion choices we make whether good or bad, right or wrong; the paths we turn down; the people we associate with; the influences we are governed by etc etc, all go towards shaping the outcome of our lives.

Truly we are all born with the amazing potential to become 'many different people'. Each human being has the capacity to be a 1001 different people; we are all born into a life that hands us a clean slate to write the screenplay of our life on.

However, eventually in death, each man or woman will die as that one person who is the sum of all the choices each individual chooses to make along their journey of life.

It is mega important to make wise choices. Our lives, our very existence, will continue to be shaped by and depend upon our choices.  Don't let anyone tell you that your dreams are out of reach, that you are wanting too much and need to be like everyone else and settle for the mediocre and easy. Don't let anyone deter you from studying your very hardest in school, or being determined to strive to do your best at your job. Do not let anyone mock your passion to be the very best you possibly can be. 

Everyone has the same amazing capacity to achieve the level of greatness life has determined for them but some choose to bury their potential because of fear, unbelief or laziness, while others are ground down by misfortune etc. Whatever has stopped or derailed another person's potential, whatever might have made them bitter or frustrated, whatever has made them give up, do NOT allow their negativity to destroy or impact your journey. Do not be pulled down from the greatness that you strive for by the petty machinations of others. 

Success and achieving your fullest potential is not who has the best grades, the most money, the highest sounding job title etc etc. Success is who has challenged themselves to be the very best they can be despite the limitations and difficulties we will all come across. It is challenging your destiny and pushing the boundaries. It is getting up doggedly no matter how many times life tries to knock you down.

We only get this one life to live - tis vital to be wise & smart. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and encourage you along your path. Encourage others to fulfil their dreams. EVERYONE needs cheerleaders. 

Let's choose to live to the very fullest of our amazing potential.


To your own self be true

Facebook and writing a blog has taught me to develop a thick skin. I write and share my opinions on a range of topics. However, the fundamental lesson I've learned is the hardening of my belief that first and foremost, a writer writes for themselves, and then shares their own believes and convictions. If you ever write solely for your audience, you'll lose your authentic voice as you seek to tailor yourself to please different opinions.

I have been told I am too serious, while also being told by others that I am not serious enough. My Christianity has been called too liberal, while others call it too conservative. I have been called dogmatic, while also being told I lack conviction. Some say I write too much about JESUS, while others say I do not mention JESUS enough. I have been called funny while others say I am boring. I have been called anti-women, while others have said I am anti-men. I have been called a feminist while others have said I am anti-feminist and shoving women back into the dark ages. I have been called a GEJ critic, while some have called me a GEJ supporter, I have been told I clearly love Nigeria while others have called me a traitor for living abroad. I have been told I am slim enough now & should stop the weight loss plan while some have said I am still too fat and need to work hard at it.

Humble, arrogant, too British, too Nigerian, too talkative, too quiet, friendly, reserved, etc etc etc. The dichotomy of views have sometimes made me laugh out loud!

I look at the above and I wonder who it is some of these peeps are talking about. My convictions are flexible while being rigid. I can see both sides of the argument, and if I want I can argue both opposing views convincingly & passionately. Most of the time, I believe the right solution is a combination of ideas and viewpoints. Life is rarely black and white in my book but is many shades of grey. However, there are also fundamental truths I will not shift on. I am as grateful to those who praise my writing as I am to those who critique it and sometimes disparage or mock it.

Speak with your own voice. Stand for the truth you believe. Never ever worry if you are the only one who holds a viewpoint. If you truly believe it, then don't follow the crowd. Peer pressure is subtle but insidious - shrug it off. Don't seek adulation or the approval of men. The same crowd that loves you today can stone you tomorrow. 

Be true to yourself always. 


Saturday, 3 November 2012

Hymn For My Father ~ Collective Soul. Video and lyrics

Just stumbled across this song ... while the video has the lyrics, I am posting the words below because I totally love them. Sums up totally why I love and follow GOD - tis because He loves me to bits and pieces. His gentle kindness has won my heart forever... 


Hymn For My Father ~ Collective Soul

I will follow, I will follow
Till the stars fall down, till the sun burns out
I will follow, I will follow
Till Gabriel's horn does sound

I will follow, I will follow
Through the path You chose with the words You spoke
I will follow, I will follow
By the love You always showed

I won't cry out 'cause love has lifted me
I won't cry out 'cause now I will receive
Everything that You've given me
All things to me

I will follow, I will follow
For in You I do believe

I will follow, I will follow
Through the path You chose with the words You spoke
I will follow, I will follow
By the love, the love You showed

Music, Candles & Brandy ..

Music I've heard today that's kinda stuck. A few are from the soundtracks of TV shows, a couple from the Mall and the others i got reminded of ...

Curled up, listening to the music that's been floating in my head today, cinnamon scented candles burning, green tea laced with brandy (I rarely ever drink but I felt like a nip tonight), is a kinda chilled way to get through insomnia... ;-)

Sarah Mclachlan - Fallen (Cold Case)

Sara Bareilles - Hold My Heart (Body of Proof)

Snow Patrol - Run (Cold Case again)

Gabrielle - Out of Reach (The Mall)

Gabrielle - Rise (The Mall)

The Last of the Mohicans

Gabrielle - Sunshine 

Didn't hear this anywhere today but 'Sunshine' is my fave of her songs and it tis kinda pretty cool.

Hope y'all have a very chilled today... *sleepy smile*


Music, Candles & Brandy ....

Music I've heard today that's kinda stuck. A few are from the soundtracks of TV shows, a couple from the Mall and the others i got reminded of ...

Curled up, listening to the music that's been floating in my head today, cinnamon scented candles burning, green tea laced with brandy (I rarely ever drink but I felt like a nip tonight), is a kinda chilled way to get through insomnia... ;-)

 Sarah Mclachlan - Fallen  (Cold Case)

Sara Bareilles - Hold My Heart (Body of Proof)

Snow Patrol - Run  (Cold Case again)

Gabrielle - Out of Reach (The Mall)


Gabrielle - Rise (The Mall)

The Last of The Mohicans

Gabrielle - Sunshine 

Didn't hear this anywhere but 'Sunshine' is my fave of her songs and hey, it's also pretty cool .. *giggle*

Have a very chilled today ... *sleepy smile*


Friday, 2 November 2012

Another Anniversary...

5th Sept 2012

It is always great to celebrate anniversaries and it is even more wonderful when the peeps are counting their years together. We all say very well-done when we hear couples celebrating 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years together and rejoice that they have seemingly beaten the odds.

However sometimes, the slightly cynical side of me (which manages to co-exist quite happily with my optimistic naive side) wonders the following?

How many years of being physically or emotionally abused might the couple be celebrating?

How many years of unrelenting vicious verbal abuse might they be giving thanks for?

How many years of not sleeping together or not even sharing the same bedroom might you (the couple) be rejoicing at?

How many years of unrelenting boredom might you be being thankful for?

How many years of marital strife, hardship, sorrow might you be putting a brave face upon?

How many years of your adultery or your partner's adultery might be being celebrated??

How many years of no trust, no laughter, no fun together, no affection is possibly being danced at?

And how many years of the death of love and friendship is being leapt for joy at?

Now please do not misunderstand me - there are many happy marriages out there and a happy fulfilling marriage is one of the most rewarding things in the world. I am a firm believer in happy marriages - I've watched my parents who are happy together. 

HOWEVER, too often, too many put more emphasis on the quantity of years of the marriage and do not pay enough attention to the quality of the years of the marriage.

It is better to be married at 40 and share 20 happy years together (if you just happen to conk dead at 60! LOL), than it is to be married at 20 and share 40 miserable, unhappy, torture-laden, prison-like, jail sentence of a union together.

Be honest with yourself - if your marriage is more jail sentence than it is happy union, stop celebrating fake anniversaries. Sit down with your partner, talk honestly and openly, and try to see if you can go back to the beginning, rebuild new foundations and try to re-capture what you once had and shared, and try to start a new journey of joy.

Remember, it is better to have 10 happy years of love, joy and laughter with the right person, than 40 unhappy years of pain, tears and sorrow with the wrong person. The choice to turn around the wrongest marital ship is in the hands of the two of you in the union.

Choose life and not death (an empty emotionally cold unfulfilled existence). Choose laughter and not tears. Choose true unity and not icy or indifferent distance. Choose a life of happiness and not a life filled with pain... 


Tie it with a bow ...

I know quite a few peeps who have died this year, and others who lives have been touched by life-threatening illnesses.

This year, I have learnt (in a different way) that life is special, tomorrow is definitely not guaranteed and finding the right person to love & to be loved by is a precious gift.

Love is scary and frightening - love offers the high-risk options of either great rewards or devastating pain (or sometimes both). Giving your heart to another person and letting them into you can be a huge risk. Letting down your guard & allowing yourself to become vulnerable is not easy (especially when you've done so in the past and got hurt).

So when you meet someone new who makes you smile, it can become so easy to block it, push it away, ignore stuff if possible, choose not to take the risk of getting hurt by going down that road again. However, if you give things a go, and the 'relationship' lasts for 3 months or for 30yrs, every single day of those 3 months or the 30 years can be a delightful gift.

I want to choose to live my life to the fullest - to look back and say - I have no regrets. Whatever the outcome of the choices I take might be, I would rather take a risk & live life in glorious technicolour, than play safe & dwell in the land of the lukewarm & beige.

So leap off that emotional cliff - take your love & your heart, lay them in a box, wrap it up beautifully, tie it with a pretty bow, and send it to your boo or 'potential' boo.

Give things a chance to live or die. Take that risk.


Thursday, 1 November 2012

Life is for living... live it to the fullest.

Again, I am forced to reflect on something that has been a theme close to my heart all year; life is short.

Life is to be lived. No-one knows what tomorrow will bring. No-one knows if they'll actually have tomorrow. We all only ever get one stab at life.

I am posting this because my best friend's just called me to say some-one we both know has died. I didn't know the lady very well, she was just another sister in the fellowship I attended after Uni. I know her older sister a lot better. I dimly recollect that my very last 'proper' memory of her is running into her at her sister's office. My best friend and I went to see her sis, and she just happened to be there. Year's later, I ran into her on FB but we never became 'friends' on there - just one of those things - sometime one chats  from time to time with peeps one knows vaguely, but neither party get round to sending a friend request to the other.

My heart and thoughts are with Sista Ada's family and friends. She was taken too early and that sucks. It hurts. Death sucks. It sucks big-time. My consolation, my hope, my strength, is in my deep-rooted total belief and trust, that for those who believe, death is not the end. It is a transition to an eternity with GOD. The Lord JESUS died so that we might have a full life in this existence and also an awesome life in eternity.

So grab your today with both hands and live it to the fullest. Do the things that really matter to you. Connect with friends and family. Hang-out with your loved ones. Follow your dreams and passions.

Reach out to GOD. Fall in love with Him and have a real relationship with Him. Do NOT just follow the tenets of a 'religion'. Religion, that Pharaseetical thing, which man embraces, and then layers with endless rules and regulations, kills. It breeds self-righteousness and a false belief that our morality and obeying endless rules and regulations will make us pleasing to GOD. JESUS spent His time on earth lambasting 'religion' - the embrace of rules and regulations which mankind does to feel good, without having any desire or love for GOD or for any relationship with Him. JESUS did not die on the Cross so that mankind could get bogged down with the endless bureaucratic red-tape of religion. He died to reconcile us to GOD. GOD is real. Reach out for Him. Find JESUS. He loves you to bits and pieces. He is busy knocking at the door of your heart no matter what you might believe in or how you are choosing to live life right at this moment in time. Do not let anyone, whether an external voice, or an internal voice, ever tell you that you are too bad for GOD to love. We do not ever have to change ourselves so He can love us. GOD loves you passionately, deeply, totally, just as you are. It is in embracing and accepting His love, and entering into a relationship with Him, that we find ourselves changing almost effortlessly.

Sort through your life and live a full life, one that is lived with joy, love and laughter - not a life that is endured through gritted teeth. Sometimes, getting the life we want might mean making difficult choices, painful choices, scary choices; but you'll never know how those choices might pan out until you go for them.

Embrace life. Embrace living. We all get only one life to live. It truly is an awesome, scary, thrilling, sometimes knuckle-whitening adventure. But when we choose to live our lives with joy, faith, hope, laughter, passion and love, it is a testament that we respect and value the greatest gift we've been given.


Wednesday, 31 October 2012

My inner fat chick is struggling to come out... Weight loss journey cont

"You are worth more than this (that), so act like it..." ~ The Biggest Loser. 

Those real true words have hit me smack, bang in the gut. It is time to stop eating crap. Yes, I am worth more than the slice of cake I just stuffed into my mouth, or the pralines and cream ice-cream I had yesterday. This is stuff I don't need or even miss - so why am I shovelling it down my throat?

I realise there's a fat girl inside of me just sneakily waiting to come out. She is totally tired of this 'trying to lose weight' thing. It just seems soooo long and never ending. Oh, please, she begs, please just let me go back to my old habits; let me eat lashings of yam pottage, acres of snowy rice, forkfuls of pasta, mouthfuls of puff-puff (an African doughnut like snack) and mountains of sweet soft white luscious hard -dough bread.

But but, I have come to realise that I honestly care a lot less about food than I thought before I began this weight-loss journey. My greatest craving these days is for cucumbers and tomatoes (crazy huh). I am eating silly unhealthy stuff, not because I crave the food, but because I am comfort eating. Comfort eating is my biggest issue, my greatest fight, the bug-bear that refuses to leave me or that I refuse to let go of.

My absolute favourite meal these days, is a dinner comprising 2 toasted bagels, 1 filled with a slice of ham and slices of tomatoes and cucumbers, (no mayo or any dressing), and the 2nd bagel, spread with olive oil spread (instead of butter) and honey. A side bowl of a cold whole cucumber (sliced up), and 2 tomatoes, and about 10 - 12 brazil nuts, a cup of green tea flavoured with apple and pear, and I am a very happy camper.

However, once I begin to go down the comfort eating route, I want carbs. Carbs, carbs, carbs, and loads of carbs! *sigh*

I have had so much going on around me - things have been pretty 'hairy' with work, my bank account's been laughing mockingly at me, my insomnia has been making itself pretty known, my car's packed up - ahhhhh, name it, it's all been happening all at once. So what does comfort eater mee do?? Yeah, you guess right - I turn straight to food. But those are excuses, right? I know what the issues are and food doesn't resolve any issues..... It just ultimately makes em worse!!

Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! (That's me pulling out my hair! LOL)

It is time to stop this craziness. I know one of my biggest discouragements is because my weight refuses to go under 60kg. I want to be between 55 - 57kg. But the lowest I've hit is 61kg earlier this year. When I first hit that weight, after being extremely excited, I got discouraged because I couldn't seem to lose any weight after that.  I began to comfort-eat until I went back up to 67kg. I did lose those 6kg, but after life threw a ton of stuff at me, I began comfort eating again and was also so busy that I was eating a lot of take-out food (which we all know is usually cooked extremely unhealthily). Before you know it, the scales are currently saying 66kg. I am tired & fed-up. It's like getting to my goal weight will never ever happen.

I need to keep reminding myself that going down from 96kg to 61 - 67kgs is great and I have to stop beating myself up over the head for not being able to get down to 55kg - 57kg (yet).

Dear LORD, help me get my head straight. I need YOU so much.

Ahhhhhh well, I am trying to get myself centred by pasting up and looking at a few pics - The first two pics are of me in July and August 2012 this year (A coupla months back). The 3rd, 4th and 5th pics are me at my very heaviest back in April 2009.

Like I keep reminding myself, this weight-loss journey is a marathon and not a sprint. I am staying on this journey, this race, for the long-term, no matter how times I might slip, stumble or fall. 


   July 2012 (On my way to Ikea - 62kg or 136.4kg)

August 2012 (Summer Barbeque - 62kg or 136.4kg)


April 2009 (Dressed for brother's wedding - 211.2lbs or 96kg)  (side view of the same pic) 

                        April 2009 (Thought I looked okay on the day until I saw this pic - wanted to cry)