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Wednesday, 14 September 2011

A voice against torture! Weight-loss journey continued.

“Wheeze .. hnnn .. hnnnnn .. hnnnnn  .. she is trying to kill us again! Please .. pleeeeease .. pleeeeaase .. *moan* stop ..  stop ..  STOP!

“So who was the idiot who told her to take up running? Speak now so we can beat you to a pulp! Oh God, tell her to stop! Please! Shut up brain & don’t talk to us about healthy living! All this crazy 'keep-fit stuff & eat horrible nasty food' is your idea!”

“Don’t even try to blame it on her eyes o! Hmmm, but you have a point - it was her stupid eyes that began reading about high cholesterol, heart-attacks and diabetes, but if it wasn’t for your stupid braniac cells, will her yeye eyes have been reading that crap? I mean, take away the glasses from those uppity eyes, will they even be able to read anything??? Pchweew!”

"Abi heart, don’t you agree she is trying to kill us and we were happy and jolly as exercise virgins?"

"Ah heart, k’pele, you can’t talk now? You are still wheezing and trying to draw breath? Eeyah!  Awww, you are constricting and feel like you are dying? K’pele O! All this running & walking is clearly not good for the body – what is wrong with being a couch potato? This time 2 years ago, we would be seated in front of the telly, tucking into a plate of luscious basmati jollof rice cooked with oil and butter, topped with a delicious oil-laden fried stew full of luscious chucks of beef! Ahhhhhhh yummmmmmmmyyyyy – those were the good old days. *whimper*. Now she has us eating chicken with NO skin? And tomatoes and cucumbers!"

"Waistline, I swear, if you say one more word, I will slap your stupid face! Vanity is your second name jor! Who cares if you’ve shrunk? Did we not love you when you were 40inches?? Do you think we love you more now you are 28.5? Anyway, stop lying – you are 29inches O jare! In fact, now there is a whole less of you to love, so just sharrap! But for your vain posturing and complaining, she would still be feeding us well and none of us would be suffering this agony."

"Oh God, how much longer is she going to continue? Legs, c’mon, just stop! Go on strike – we will support you! Huh, what’s that you just said? You don’t mind? You don’t mind? Are you MAD? What’s that? You like knowing you’ve shrunk too? You, hips and waist feel really good that you could wear those jeans on Saturday that you could not even pull past your calves into 10 months ago??? WHO GIVES A TOSS! Jeans ko, genetics­­­ ni!"

"Brain, walai, I will konk your big head! So I mention genetics and you begin to lecture me?  So what if her mum now has diabetes? Mummy didn't get it until she was in her 60’s and she was never fat! Eh hen, now you think you are smart and are quoting statistics at me. Do I look stupid? So what if type 2 diabetes can have a genetic link? What if it can be triggered early by obesity and no exercise and you can delay it or stop it by keeping your weight normal and exercising regularly. Thank you for the lecture o, Ms brainy smart alec!"

"What – you are still going on? Now you are ranting about hypertension, high blood pressure & heart atacks being linked to obesity and no exercise? Yada yada yada, I am not listening!"

"She is giving us a heart-attack with all this! It is this crazy running that will kill us o! Stomach, or don’t you agree? Huh, speak up, I can’t hear you? Oh, oh, I see! Your voice has ‘shrunk’ ever since she stopped feeding you all that yummy stuff? You can now only whisper weakly? But you don’t mind? WHAT? You are pleased she’s stopped cramming you full of food you couldn’t digest, which gave you heartburn? YOU ARE A TRAITOR! I hope she starves you and you shrink and .. and .. IDIOT!"

"Am I the only one left who cares that she is killing us? Am I the only one to stand up for our rights to eat a high fat, high carb diet with none of those nasty vegetables? Am I the only one to say NO to exercise?"

"Ah, yes, there is a GOD! Thank you Jesus, she has finally stopped running. Hah, I can breathe again." *sigh of relief* 

"NO NO NO, she will not be doing this again tomorrow? I WILL DIE! She will kill me off totally. If she kills me 'Ms negativity-you-will-fail-so-dont-even-try-voice-of-reason', who will there be left to whinge & complain and tell her she can’t do it and she’s a failure and she’s fat and ugly? I will NOT be silenced! I have a function here! I deserve to be heard!"

"Noooooooo, the endorphins are kicking in! Exercise related dopamine is flooding her brain. She is happy. Look, she is drinking water instead of that high-sugar energy drink I tried to nudge her towards. I am done! How can I make her listen to me when she refuses to hear my 'truth'."

When that 'voice against torture' begins whinging in your head, get off the couch, walk, run, do some push-ups, dance to a music video, run up and down the stairs, ride a bike, join a gym, play with your kids, 'wrestle' with your spouse. Get moving - JUST DO IT!


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