My inner fat chick is struggling to come out... Weight loss journey cont

"You are worth more than this (that), so act like it..." ~ The Biggest Loser. 

Those real true words have hit me smack, bang in the gut. It is time to stop eating crap. Yes, I am worth more than the slice of cake I just stuffed into my mouth, or the pralines and cream ice-cream I had yesterday. This is stuff I don't need or even miss - so why am I shovelling it down my throat?

I realise there's a fat girl inside of me just sneakily waiting to come out. She is totally tired of this 'trying to lose weight' thing. It just seems soooo long and never ending. Oh, please, she begs, please just let me go back to my old habits; let me eat lashings of yam pottage, acres of snowy rice, forkfuls of pasta, mouthfuls of puff-puff (an African doughnut like snack) and mountains of sweet soft white luscious hard -dough bread.

But but, I have come to realise that I honestly care a lot less about food than I thought before I began this weight-loss journey. My greatest craving these days is for cucumbers and tomatoes (crazy huh). I am eating silly unhealthy stuff, not because I crave the food, but because I am comfort eating. Comfort eating is my biggest issue, my greatest fight, the bug-bear that refuses to leave me or that I refuse to let go of.

My absolute favourite meal these days, is a dinner comprising 2 toasted bagels, 1 filled with a slice of ham and slices of tomatoes and cucumbers, (no mayo or any dressing), and the 2nd bagel, spread with olive oil spread (instead of butter) and honey. A side bowl of a cold whole cucumber (sliced up), and 2 tomatoes, and about 10 - 12 brazil nuts, a cup of green tea flavoured with apple and pear, and I am a very happy camper.

However, once I begin to go down the comfort eating route, I want carbs. Carbs, carbs, carbs, and loads of carbs! *sigh*

I have had so much going on around me - things have been pretty 'hairy' with work, my bank account's been laughing mockingly at me, my insomnia has been making itself pretty known, my car's packed up - ahhhhh, name it, it's all been happening all at once. So what does comfort eater mee do?? Yeah, you guess right - I turn straight to food. But those are excuses, right? I know what the issues are and food doesn't resolve any issues..... It just ultimately makes em worse!!

Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! (That's me pulling out my hair! LOL)

It is time to stop this craziness. I know one of my biggest discouragements is because my weight refuses to go under 60kg. I want to be between 55 - 57kg. But the lowest I've hit is 61kg earlier this year. When I first hit that weight, after being extremely excited, I got discouraged because I couldn't seem to lose any weight after that.  I began to comfort-eat until I went back up to 67kg. I did lose those 6kg, but after life threw a ton of stuff at me, I began comfort eating again and was also so busy that I was eating a lot of take-out food (which we all know is usually cooked extremely unhealthily). Before you know it, the scales are currently saying 66kg. I am tired & fed-up. It's like getting to my goal weight will never ever happen.

I need to keep reminding myself that going down from 96kg to 61 - 67kgs is great and I have to stop beating myself up over the head for not being able to get down to 55kg - 57kg (yet).

Dear LORD, help me get my head straight. I need YOU so much.

Ahhhhhh well, I am trying to get myself centred by pasting up and looking at a few pics - The first two pics are of me in July and August 2012 this year (A coupla months back). The 3rd, 4th and 5th pics are me at my very heaviest back in April 2009.

Like I keep reminding myself, this weight-loss journey is a marathon and not a sprint. I am staying on this journey, this race, for the long-term, no matter how times I might slip, stumble or fall. 

xx

   July 2012 (On my way to Ikea - 62kg or 136.4kg)

August 2012 (Summer Barbeque - 62kg or 136.4kg)

                                        

April 2009 (Dressed for brother's wedding - 211.2lbs or 96kg)  (side view of the same pic) 

                       

                        April 2009 (Thought I looked okay on the day until I saw this pic - wanted to cry)

                                                            

                                         

                                                          

Porridge at 04.30 am ...

When you find yourself eating calorie-laden comfort food at 04.30 am, tis time to acknowledge it isn't the greatest day! LOL

So why am I tucking into a bowl of organic oats, topped off with a jugful of evaporated milk, sugar, brazil nuts, adding up to a gazzilion calories at a time when dawn is just breaking? Why did I leave home at 4am, head out to my 24hr superstore to buy all the ingredients and then get home to cook em?

The evening was not meant to go this way. I should have been on a smoking hot date in the West End and probably just be getting back in now. I found the perfect lil black dress, demure and sexy (a good dress can be both), the killer shoes and the bling jewellery to set it off. Now my hair is in its lovely new world of twists, all it would've needed was a quick wash/condition/run hands through it/colourful flower to set it off. Cute guy too - but guess who pulled out?Yup, me. Long story, many reasons, I pulled out but might re-schedule (maybe). I decided the 'suitcases' I have on my mind would have made me pretty poor company.

So what did I do instead? I spent time killing time. Cleaned out the fridge. Tidied the hallway. Cleaned out the bathroom drain (hot water and bleach are the key there). Read a lil, caught up on the news, read a lil more, thought a lil more, read a lil more to stop thinking, realised sleep was not forth-coming. Read 'The Times' cover-to-cover. Began reading 2 books simultaneously. And then I began thinking about porridge.

I haven't eaten porridge in months. I like the stuff but the way I like it is soooooooo unhealthy, I skip it most of the time. But this time, my mind fixated on it. Luscious oats. If I wallowed in a luxurious bowl of organic oats, surely I would get some sleep? Thus my thinking went at 3am while I was struggling to sleep. One hour of tossing and turning, and I gave up the fight. 

Sooooooooo, that's the story of how I came to be getting my oats fix.

Have the oats made me sleepy? Kinda done their job I guess as it's 06:15 and I think I'll get more than the 2hrs sleep I've been getting lately. 

Has it dealt with all the stuff on my mind? Nope - but then again, comfort food doesn't solve any issues - just packs on a few inches around waistline.

Sometimes I wonder at me? I shovelled a gazzilion calories down me when date night dress and the additional lil cobalt dress I couldn't resist were both a UK size 10? (American 6 or 8)? Am I trying to sabotage my own waistline? Talking of clothes, I also have my eye on a cream lace above the knee dress (now, I just need it to go on sale!! LOL). Saw it and began thinking - team it with brown or purple boots, a leather jacket, large bag and I'll have the cutest outfit. Ahhh, so, my mind's now dwelling on clothes?? Awesome!! Better clothes than food anyday. And better clothes than all that serious stuff that's been crowding up my thought space. 

Groan!!! Ahhhhhh well, I guess the Women's fitness book 'Guide to Body Toning' that I just bought is going to come in very useful. I refuse to let 'loadsa stuff on the mind' take me back down the fat road. *shudder

Ahhhhh, the joys of porridge at 04:30 am!! Next time, it will be loads smarter to try some celery instead!! *giggle*

xx

15lbs to go... My Weight-loss journey continued...

Up until 2 weeks ago, the previous 6 - 8 weeks had been a disaster weight-loss wise. Not only was I stuck on a plateau and not losing anything, but work, ill health, stress and no exercise and eating like tomorrow was going to bring a famine meant that my scales climbed upwards rapidly!! LOL. Thankfully, the madness passed and I came to my senses before too much damage was done. Even more mega-thankfully, the last two weeks have helped deal with the ravages of the pounds put on during my crazy indulgent season! I am wayyyyyy too embarrassed to even discuss how much weight I put on during them crazy days - let's just say that during that time, my jeans began protesting when I tried to button em up! LOL. Annnnyyyyyway, the last 2 weeks of very carefully watching what I eat, and walking 3 miles everyday, have shifted all those nasty temporary pounds and inches. And those aforementioned jeans? Welllll, they still don't fit - but only because they are now loose... yahhhhhyyyyyy!

Okay, soooooo, now I am back on track. I finally have only 15lbs (7kg) to go. Gosh, I gotta pause and hug my laptop, embrace and gaze in wonder at those numbers. Yup yup, I know that's still a fair bit but as I started out on this weight-loss journey needing to lose over 90lbs (41kg), please allow me to dance a jig of pure delight.

Okay, so for those who ask me for numbers, I have listed my weight and measurements as of today and then shown my previous starting weight and measurements back in 2010. Starting weight/measurements are in brackets

I began this seemingly never ending journey at the end of October 2010. Today, I weight 62kg (used to be 96kg). When I began this, I measured myself everywhere so here goes: Bust 36 inches (used to be 44inches), Waist 27.5 (was 38), Hips 34 (was 42), stomach 32 (was 42), Thighs 21 (was 28), Arms 15.5 (was 12.5). So, that's 34kg and many inches lost. Dress size is now a size 10 UK (I used to be size 20UK). While being 5'2 (and not having a skinny frame) means I'll never ever be tiny, I am still a happy camper who is mega grateful to GOD. 

I do still want to whittle off about 2 inches off most of those measurements and I really really really really want to be 55kg. However, I am not greedy - I'll settle for 57kg/58kg. *giggle*

When I say I measure(d) everywhere, I really do mean everywhere; wrists, knees, calves, ankles, neck etc but I won't bore you with every pesky lil detail. It might sound mega-weird but taking all over measurements really did help me because every inch lost gave new encouragement. Sometimes when those 'nasty' scales refuse to budge, an inch lost somewhere can help prevent discouragement. Tis nice to be able to wear normal medium ring sizes but I was shocked to find I have also lost weight off my feet! As a teen, I was a 5.5 UK shoe size, then shoe size increased to 6UK after having a kid and putting on weight. But over the last few months, my old shoes no longer fit. I am now a 5 UK shoe size. Yup, I dropped a shoe size.

I still want to lose more inches. My stomach, waist, arms and thighs still make me unhappy, with my stomach being my biggest bane. Childbirth and the weight lost mean I'll always have crappy stretch marks, cellulite is a friend that refuses to say good bye, and weight loss does not mean my previous fat self has simply bounced into toned muscle (I wish). LOL

However, once the weight is all off, my next goal will be a 6weeks - 3 months fairly intensive exercise programme. I hear someone ask - why not do both at the same time? Well, I've found out that when it's come to losing weight, I find it easiest to concentrate upon one area at a time. Not saying that's the way everyone should do it, or that it's the best thing, but I have a lot going on with me and I found out that trying to combine healthy eating, losing weight, and intensive exercise, was doing my head in, making this whole thing a not-fun experience, and had the potential to get me discouraged (And what does this carb-lover do when discouraged?? Yup yup, have an extra plate of rice!! LOL). So I stopped stressing me and began doing only what works for me.

Now, let's talk exercise (one of my least favourite things). Sooooo, last weekend, I was on a real bicycle for the first time since I was 11yrs old; despite wobbling precariously, almost falling numerous times and my sheer inability to cycle continuously for more than 1 minute before having to brake to stop myself running into cars/people/lampposts/lil kids (lol), I really did have fun. I am seriously thinking of getting myself a bike. Oh, btw, I refuse to blame my total incompetence on my extremely poor cycling skills, BUT on the fact that Boris Bikes (the bikes for hire one can pick up from a number of London stations), are NOT designed for my 5'2 self. The seat height even at its lowest is still too high. Hmmmm, maybe I should begin a campaign against this discrimination against my vertically-challenged self... *giggle* Or is this a poor workman blaming her tools??? *wink*

Ah well, back to talking boring exercise! Over the last couple of years, I have exercised mainly by walking, a tiny bit of running/jogging and a few sessions in the gym. While I really would like to do the intense 'boot-camp' type experience, I don't think the gym is my thing on a long-term basis. I find myself more willing to commit to walking 3 - 5 miles 4 or 5 times a week. Maybe I could combine that with a spin class once a week or a box-exercise class or the afore-said cycling - above all, what I want is long-term maintenance and not just short-term zeal.

But first, there are still those 15lbs to go. *sigh*

Ok, so I am still not where I wanna be but I inch a lil closer every day. Thank-You LORD.

xx

P.S

A few peeps have asked for pics - thing is during my fat days, I hardly took any pics and hid/deleted most of the ones I came across (really and truly). I have however been taking loads of pics over the last couple of years primarily to visually document this journey for myself.  So, I'll collate some of those pics, scan any old fat pics I can find and then do an album with dates from then to now and put that up on FB one of these days. xx

71lbs (32kg) lighter - My Weight Loss Journey continued.

Okay - for anyone who read my last postcard on weight-loss titled 70lbs lighter, they’ll know I said I was actually only 65lbs lighter. However after losing 6lbs since then, I am 71lbs lighter and now weigh 138lbs.

Writing about my weight has been one of the hardest things I have done. In many ways, it has been akin to stripping myself naked in public – something I am definitely not comfortable with. At my very heaviest of 209lbs just over 2 years ago, I would rather have been flayed alive than talked about what I weighted. I was embarrassed, ashamed, overwhelmed and if you valued your life and existence, you would not have been taking photographs of me! LOL. I remember when I first felt a leading to write about my weight-loss journey a year ago, I wrote my first blog weight-loss postcard but was so uncomfortable,  I didn't post it for THREE days . Although I had begun losing the weight, talking about everything and how bad it had been was way too personal. It was a peek into my very soul. It was revisiting the scene of what felt like personal failure and pain. It hurt. A lot. But once it was done, it was very freeing. The tight grasp of shame and failure was lifted and it was like – ok – so what? So, what if it had been bad? GOD’s helping me and I am free!!!

It has been a while since I wrote a weight-loss postcard so here goes: the last few months since October have NOT gone according to plan – poor health meant I had to give up my 30 day running challenge mid-way and I haven’t been able to exercise since then. A catalogue of really bad migraines, constantly re-occurring flu & other health issues have meant than almost any exertion has been severely punished with another health episode. Extremely frustrating does not describe it adequately but hey, it’s taught me how to like really value good health, something I have taken for granted over the years, so that’s not such a bad thing, eh?

Although there’s been no exercise, sticking to the healthy eating plan is paying off. My weight did initially jump up when all exercise was stopped but it’s stabilised now and is going in the right direction – DOWN! LOL. After gaining 14lbs initially, I have lost all that and an additional 6lbs so I am finally now in the 130’s. Oh my goodness – you don’t know how good it feels to say that – yes, it might only be 138lbs but take it from someone looking at 209lbs a couple of years ago, 138lbs is sheer bliss. I also like the 130’s because from being 110lbs before having my son, after that, I have never been below 144lbs. Suddenly healthy weight range is within touching distance. A further loss of 2lbs and I’ll have hit the upper end of my healthy weight range. I weigh 9 stone 12lbs, below 10 stone for the first time in over 22years. Ok – I am stopping for a moment to dance around the room in sheer joy!

It’s not the end of the journey, far far from it. I still want to get down to 120lbs if I can. I would like to lose 2 - 3inches around my waist, currently 28.5inches. I want to tone up a lot more but finally, the end of one part of the journey is within grasp - getting to a healthy ideal BMI has been one of my goals and I am touching it. There’ll also be the life-long journey of maintaining it.

The last 3 months have been the hardest ever. I have CRAVED Rice and Iyan/Egusi and Yam Pottage and fried Yam and Puff-puff and Jamo bread – all my previously documented weaknesses. I have had a few bad days where I have given in and had a Chinese take-away. However, very luckily for me, I have had someone there to talk me out of it almost every time my resolve hits the ground. Don’t misunderstand, this is not about deprivation and it’s not like I intend to phase all those things out of my life completely (GOD forbid), but I want to re-introduce them back gradually and gently, with much smaller portions and cooked healthier. Not having a kitchen the last 3 months has meant the only way to eat those things would be by getting Nigerian take-aways – definitely not cooked healthily, large portions, and swimming in palm-oil and other things not good for my waistline. So here’s a shout-out to my diet-buddy – you have stopped me getting fat over the last 3 months! J

Clothes fit better. I am happier with myself. But do I still struggle? Yes. Do I still want to comfort eat? Yes. A few days ago, the LORD had to stop me from rushing down to Starbucks to down enough calories to set me back days because I was upset. Do I still walk into clothes shops and see myself as fat? Yes. I’ll pick up the same outfit in 2 or different 3 sizes to try on because I still mentally see myself as larger. Do I like how I look? Sometimes I do but many times I don't. I still beat myself up over the areas I need to work on – arms/thighs/stomach but I am becoming a lot more accepting of me. I will never be skinny and don’t want to be – but I can be healthy and the best me I can be and that’s what I want to be.

Today I am 138lbs (62.7kg), UK size 10/12 with a 28 – 28.5inch waist. My weight-loss goal remains 120lbs (55kg), UK size 10 and a 26/27inch waist.

My current BMI is 25.3 (overweight) but it was 38.3 (Obese) at the start. My body fat percentage is now 23%.  It started out as 41.3% (Obese).  21 – 24%  is the body fat fitness range. The ideal BMI range is 18 – 24.9. So my body fat is fine and I am just within touching distance of a healthy BMI.

While the lack of exercise means I obviously do NOT feel very fit at the moment, it feels good that I am not 'carrying' all the weight I used to lug around with me.

I am not yet just where I want to be but I am a whole lot closer. Thank you LORD.

xx

My Body Fat calculation - Weight Loss Journey continued.

A friend asked me to check my BMI (Body mass index). I decided to go a step further and check my body fat too.

Now don't go crazy worrying over your BMI if you are healthy and muscular as a healthy muscular person with a low level of body fat can be classified as having a high BMI as healthy muscle weighs more than fat. But for the rest of us who know we are carrying a high level of fat, it might be wise to be CONCERNED! LOL

My current BMI is 27  (overweight) but it used to be 38.3 (Obese). My body fat percentage is 24.4% (Fitness/Acceptable). It used to be 41.3% (Obese).

BMI range for women is:

0 – 18.   Underweight

18 – 24.99.  Ideal

25 – 29.99.  Overweight 

30 & over.   Obese

Body fat percentage for women is:

Athletes: 16 – 20%

Fitness:  20 – 24%

Acceptable:  25 – 31%

Obese:  32%+

The inanimate body fat calculator made me laugh. When I entered my CURRENT measurements, the calculator tut-tutted like a favourite aunt and said ‘:
Your waist-height ratio is normal.
You may be overweight or have an unusual body mass.
Please eat 67grammes of protein daily. 

However when I entered my PREVIOUS measurements just to check how bad things were 22 months ago, the calculator went TOTALLY CRAZY.  I could almost see it sending red flashing danger lights my way. It spat out a list of instructions –

 You are overweight by 33.2 kilograms (73.0 pounds)
You need to exercise at least 30 minutes every day.
Minimum caloric requirements: 1721 Calories per day
Limit your food intake to 1462 calories per day to lose 1.9 pounds per month.
Your diet should contain at least 49 grams of protein per day.  

So what does all this mean? I need to lose about 8 - 10lbs  for my BMI to fall from OVERWEIGHT to IDEAL and about 4 or 5lbs for my body fat to be in the FITNESS level.

For my height, a healthy weight range is 110lbs - 136lbs (50kg - 61kg). I am currently 144lbs (65kg).  I want to lose about 24lbs (10kg - 11kg) as 120lbs (55kg) is the weight I have feel most comfortable at.

I still have a long ‘ways’ to go BUT I  have ‘come a long way baby’. Thank you LORD.

Here are links to a few calculators if you want to calculate your own measurements: http://www.scientificpsychic.com/fitness/diet.html. http://www.calculator.net/weight-loss-calculator.html

xx

I ate a MUFFIN - Day 5 & 6 of 30 day challenge - Weight loss cont.

Day 5.

Tough day. 

Messed up something. I was in the wrong and I really loathe doing the wrong thing. Arsenal lost 4-3 to Blackburn -*ouch*!!  I gained 2lb *double ouch*. I also ate the other half of the choc chip muffin in the fridge to feel better. Totally crazy because I don't even particularly like muffins. Ok, it is official - I am a comfort eater!!

Did I run? Huh? I wanted to back out so much I could taste it - my mood was totally low. But I did it. Was it easy? Heck no! The only good part of today's run was finishing! I don't run to music these days - I think, pray, live in my head.

So 5 days into this, do I see any benefits? Well, I have completed 5 days of this torture! Total mental benefit there. Isn't that good enough?? LOL.

The physical benefits: Calf muscles becoming more defined. Inner thighs looking better. Cellulite definitely improved. But hit by the dreaded lactic acid build-up though – legs were dying the last km.

Day 6.

Hardest ‘horriblest’ day! Please don’t correct my 'colourful wrong’ grammar. It totally describes my mood. *giggle*

Went to North London & then to Brunel to see my awesome niece settled into uni. Smart kid. Very proud of her. Got back to sista's & ate TONS of rice! Even went back for 2nd helping! Ok, so both portions combined probably added up to just a full plate. No excuse - I am a disgrace! LOL

Came home & my whole body was saying – “It's 10:45pm on Sunday night - c'mon, let's skip this run. You don’t have to be a slave to exercise. Is it so bad if you miss a day?”

My body was speaking total sense - and I nodded in agreement.

But at 11.20pm, I found myself pulling on the running gear & stepping out. Anyone tell you there is no GOD, just shoot em! Only HE could have dragged my lazy b*tt out of the house tonight.  

I tell you, it hurt from the 1st stride! Every stride was painful - even my chest began hurting again. I could feel every grain of rice I had gleefully consumed earlier! I was tempted to change route - cut it in half but somehow did not. This wasn’t a run – it was a run/walk/crawl/drag self to the finish line. 

Never was a gal so glad to see her front door! 

xx

Eating badly. Days 3 & 4 of 30 day challenge. Weight loss cont

Day 3

I sooooo did not want to run today.

Went to Starbucks and stuffed my face - however I did get lots of writing done soooooo now I can be a fat happy writer!! Yahhhyyyy!!!!! *sarcasm*.

I beat the inner voice that wanted to take another short route and went the a slightly longer route than day 1. 3km - 3.5km. Still wondering how I got through it!!!! At least I no longer feel like a heart attack is imminent! LOL.

At one point, I was wondering why the ‘actual’ running felt easier and then it clicked – I am no longer dragging an extra 65lbs (29kg) along with me. My goodness, I have dropped over a full suitcase in weight. I am trying to imagine running dragging a full suitcase along! *shudder*

This visual pic helps me imagine the weight I still want to lose. 24lbs (11kg). I have dragged hand-luggage of 11 -12kg behind me and I know how much of a drag it is and the relief I feel getting unto the plane and dumping that bag in the overhead compartment. Can I blame my body for wanting to dump the ‘hand luggage’ it really doesn’t want?

Day 4

2 bagels, 2 poached eggs, a slice of ham and a tomato for brunch - cup of milky coffee. Bad Bucky!!! Only good thing is it has left me too stuffed to eat anything else today!

Went appliance window shopping with the guys. Confession time – I enjoy hanging with my son/and my siblings. Ah well. We've decided on the colours for the kitchen. Glossy red units, stainless steel worktops. Shiny black American fridge-freezer. And as for folks who don't like my colour combo? Ah well - that's why it is MY kitchen, innit!!! LOL

Stopped by DFS to look at sofas. The open-plan kitchen will be something like what Yanks call a ‘great room’ or what we Brits call the 'kitchen as the heart of the home'. Kitchen, dining table and sofa area with tv. What this means in reality is my son will take over this reception area when he’s home from Uni with his games. Ah well, that way the living room upstairs gets to be the grown-up space! Everyone is happy. LOL

Got home after glorious day of window-shopping with NO money spent & my mind had conveniently totally forgotten running was on the cards. Oh GOD. Why did I agree when YOU suggested this challenge?

Ok, is the running getting any easier? Yes and no. I can breathe afterwards which is a bonus! My legs are shaky which isn't great. Still run, stop, walk, run, walk. But walking less and running more. Did the 3 - 3.5km route again. 

And a lil voice says - "Can we try for 4km tomorrow??" ARE YOU MAD??? Ok, ok, I'll aim for that  later. Let me first try to build up running without walking first.

xx

Teen terrors! Day 2 of 30 day challenge. Weight loss cont

Day 2

Ran a shorter route - 2 kilometers instead of the 2.5 yesterday. It felt hard. Then I realised I was running on the main road and on tar instead of block paving. It feels a lot harder on the feet let me tell you. I felt like giving up soooooo many times. Today I decided to set a new challenge for myself.  Run every day for 30 days. It will be interesting to see if I get through it!

Noticed 2 black teenage boys no more than 16 or 17 were harassing female joggers by making comments as they ran past. All my fellow Brits were going red and crossing the road to get away from these 2 teenage terrors. The two young twerps were right across the road at the Zebra crossing and my route would take me over the aforesaid Zebra crossing to run right past them. They were already whistling at me on the other side of the road. At first I wasn’t going to cross there but then again, I have not raised a 21 yr old son by backing down from tough challenges. Rubbish!

As I came up to them, I gave them my best African mother patented glare. It said “I don’t care if you call yourself Dushawn or Derek or Deduval – I can recognise a Nigerian kid. Your real name is Dele and I will first give you a tongue-lashing in front of your West Indian friend and then drag you by that foolish ear back to your mother’s house! There you’ll find that old truth – all Nigerians are related! She and I will discover I am her 5^th cousin 10 times removed and I am actually your AUNTY! FOOLISH BOY!”. 

The glare worked, both boys ducked their heads and politely moved out of the path. When I turned back to look at them, I noticed they had left their harassment spot and were crossing over to the other side of the road.

My entertainment for the day over, I crawled into the house at the end of the run and collapsed in a heap at my front door! LOL

xx

Death by Bra! Day 1 of 30 day running challenge. Weight Loss continued

Day 1

First run in over 8 months. I was going for a walk when brother asked if I was going for a run. Stuck in my mind and decided to run when I got out of the door. Best run I've ever had. Despite not exercising for weeks, I was able to run more, stop less, walk less than normal. However heart began constricting towards the end but hey, no exercise in 2 weeks & a sudden 2km run? Do you blame the poor thing?  But no kidding, I worried for a few minutes I was having my 1st heart-attack.

Ok, 2 hours later and heart STILL hurting! Now googling ‘heart pain when running’. Google is spitting out dire warnings of; running related asthma, sudden heart problems, running in the cold air but all come with warnings to go see doctor immediately. A bit drastic if you ask me. Why doesn’t anyone say it will pass?

I blame my brother! This must be part of his devious plan to bump me off! LOL

An hour later – heart pain getting more severe. Okay, should I be getting worried? Then a eureka moment! I really am a dozy cow  – I am wearing the wrong bra! Hadn’t changed into my exercise bra while running and while the bra I have on is a great look and fit, it is now constricting my chest. My oxygen deprived lungs have literarily been gasping for liberation! Underwear removed and an immediate miraculous recovery! Phew!

Ten mins later, I think - Damn, chest pain excuse removed – nothing to stop me running again tomorrow. *pout*

Been blogging again & getting lots of views to 'Weight loss continued' post. http://postnoir.blogspot.com/2011/09/70lbs-31kg-lighter-weight-loss-my.html


xx

A voice against torture! Weight-loss journey continued.

“Wheeze .. hnnn .. hnnnnn .. hnnnnn  .. she is trying to kill us again! Please .. pleeeeease .. pleeeeaase .. *moan* stop ..  stop ..  STOP!

“So who was the idiot who told her to take up running? Speak now so we can beat you to a pulp! Oh God, tell her to stop! Please! Shut up brain & don’t talk to us about healthy living! All this crazy 'keep-fit stuff & eat horrible nasty food' is your idea!”

“Don’t even try to blame it on her eyes o! Hmmm, but you have a point - it was her stupid eyes that began reading about high cholesterol, heart-attacks and diabetes, but if it wasn’t for your stupid braniac cells, will her yeye eyes have been reading that crap? I mean, take away the glasses from those uppity eyes, will they even be able to read anything??? Pchweew!”

"Abi heart, don’t you agree she is trying to kill us and we were happy and jolly as exercise virgins?"

"Ah heart, k’pele, you can’t talk now? You are still wheezing and trying to draw breath? Eeyah!  Awww, you are constricting and feel like you are dying? K’pele O! All this running & walking is clearly not good for the body – what is wrong with being a couch potato? This time 2 years ago, we would be seated in front of the telly, tucking into a plate of luscious basmati jollof rice cooked with oil and butter, topped with a delicious oil-laden fried stew full of luscious chucks of beef! Ahhhhhhh yummmmmmmmyyyyy – those were the good old days. *whimper*. Now she has us eating chicken with NO skin? And tomatoes and cucumbers!"

"Waistline, I swear, if you say one more word, I will slap your stupid face! Vanity is your second name jor! Who cares if you’ve shrunk? Did we not love you when you were 40inches?? Do you think we love you more now you are 28.5? Anyway, stop lying – you are 29inches O jare! In fact, now there is a whole less of you to love, so just sharrap! But for your vain posturing and complaining, she would still be feeding us well and none of us would be suffering this agony."

"Oh God, how much longer is she going to continue? Legs, c’mon, just stop! Go on strike – we will support you! Huh, what’s that you just said? You don’t mind? You don’t mind? Are you MAD? What’s that? You like knowing you’ve shrunk too? You, hips and waist feel really good that you could wear those jeans on Saturday that you could not even pull past your calves into 10 months ago??? WHO GIVES A TOSS! Jeans ko, genetics­­­ ni!"

"Brain, walai, I will konk your big head! So I mention genetics and you begin to lecture me?  So what if her mum now has diabetes? Mummy didn't get it until she was in her 60’s and she was never fat! Eh hen, now you think you are smart and are quoting statistics at me. Do I look stupid? So what if type 2 diabetes can have a genetic link? What if it can be triggered early by obesity and no exercise and you can delay it or stop it by keeping your weight normal and exercising regularly. Thank you for the lecture o, Ms brainy smart alec!"

"What – you are still going on? Now you are ranting about hypertension, high blood pressure & heart atacks being linked to obesity and no exercise? Yada yada yada, I am not listening!"

"She is giving us a heart-attack with all this! It is this crazy running that will kill us o! Stomach, or don’t you agree? Huh, speak up, I can’t hear you? Oh, oh, I see! Your voice has ‘shrunk’ ever since she stopped feeding you all that yummy stuff? You can now only whisper weakly? But you don’t mind? WHAT? You are pleased she’s stopped cramming you full of food you couldn’t digest, which gave you heartburn? YOU ARE A TRAITOR! I hope she starves you and you shrink and .. and .. IDIOT!"

"Am I the only one left who cares that she is killing us? Am I the only one to stand up for our rights to eat a high fat, high carb diet with none of those nasty vegetables? Am I the only one to say NO to exercise?"

"Ah, yes, there is a GOD! Thank you Jesus, she has finally stopped running. Hah, I can breathe again." *sigh of relief* 

"NO NO NO, she will not be doing this again tomorrow? I WILL DIE! She will kill me off totally. If she kills me 'Ms negativity-you-will-fail-so-dont-even-try-voice-of-reason', who will there be left to whinge & complain and tell her she can’t do it and she’s a failure and she’s fat and ugly? I will NOT be silenced! I have a function here! I deserve to be heard!"

"Noooooooo, the endorphins are kicking in! Exercise related dopamine is flooding her brain. She is happy. Look, she is drinking water instead of that high-sugar energy drink I tried to nudge her towards. I am done! How can I make her listen to me when she refuses to hear my 'truth'."

When that 'voice against torture' begins whinging in your head, get off the couch, walk, run, do some push-ups, dance to a music video, run up and down the stairs, ride a bike, join a gym, play with your kids, 'wrestle' with your spouse. Get moving - JUST DO IT!

xx  

70lbs (31kg) lighter: Weight Loss – my journey continued

Ok, ok, I have actually lost ‘only’ 65lbs (29.5kg) but the other 5lbs (2.2kg) are coming off verrrryyyyy soon! LOL. Once that's done, I'll have 24lbs (11kg) to go to reach my target weight.

At the beginning of this year, I wrote a piece about my weight - my most personal ‘postcard’ to date. I am very private about the things that go deep, so it was difficult to lay myself so bare. To my amazement, that write-up touched a chord with many others. The post, ‘Weight loss – my journey’ has got the most hits of all my blog posts. Here's a link to that first post: http://postnoir.blogspot.com/2011/01/weight-loss-my-journey.html

So how is the journey going??? Ahhhhhhhhh! It is tough! It's been a mixture of road-blocks, diversions, traffic-jams, as well as smooth free roads and bursts of swift motorway speeds.

After losing 55lbs (25kg) over 18 months, my weigh-loss slowed down. Between Feb – Apr this year, I lost a few lbs and gained a few lbs. I have Olympic gold medals in both procrastination & gym-hating *giggle*, so obviously did NOT go anywhere near the gym or do ANY exercise. However, I did retain a vestige of sanity and pretty much kept to my eating plan;  a few minor slips-ups, but nothing scale-busting. Then in May, I began working on a work renovation project with a mega-tight dead-line. My life became work, late nights, fast food AND very very soon, the weight and inches came a'calling again. Before I knew it, the scales had crept up steadily until I was 12’ 2 (a gain of 16 lbs), my recently whittled 29in waist was a bulging 32 - 33in and my chin was wobbling dangerously. I was so shocked, the fog clouding my eyes cleared! 

It had taken long months of suffering & agony, panting in the gym, taking up the heart-stopping torture called running, being deprived of rice AND sweet luscious hard-dough bread, and now I was watching myself sliding back dangerously to being an unhappy fat blob? NO WAY!

I was still fitting into most of my new clothes (barely!) but weight was once again embracing my frame ‘with fat loving hands(les)’. One thing helped – the thought of my dad’s coronation in Nigeria. That was scheduled for July and I was DETERMINED not to be fat in those photographs. At my brother’s wedding 2 years earlier, I had been at my very heaviest. I absolutely HATE the way I look in those pics and swore NEVER again.

The fast food stopped. Normal eating resumed. I did not lose any weight before my trip but at least the lbs stopped piling back on.

Got back from the Coronation and holiday and I hadn’t put on a lb or lost a lb. I was chuffed as holidays are deadly for weight-loss. Gave myself a week to settle back into London and then adopted a drastic programme; shocked my body into a ‘we mean business’ regime. My diet consisted of chicken and vegetables, strawberries and cherries, and a handful of brazil nuts. Snacked on tomatoes and cucumbers when I was peckish. Drank nothing but water with a touch of lemon or lime in it. Went back to walking and walked at least 2 or 3 miles every day. And turned to GOD and asked for help. In three weeks, I was back down to 11 stone. It’s been a further 4 weeks and I have lost another 10lbs but more importantly, the inches have fallen off. Those new clothes that were fine in January but tight in June are now loose in September. Yahhhyyyyyy!!!.   

I’ve set myself short-term and long-term goals. I want to lose another 14lbs (1 stone) by the end of November so I am 130lbs by my birthday in Dec. I want to go back to the gym. I want to begin running again. I want to take up bike riding.

Long-term goals: Run a 5 mile race next year. Sign up for the 2012 Cycletta 40 mile bike ride http://www.cycletta.co.uk/. Take roller-blade lessons – hey, I might fall numerous times but I just want to do it! Get down to my goal weight of 120lbs. Exercise regularly 3 – 5 times a week.

I have learnt that going to the gym every day doesn’t work for me. However, I enjoy walking so want to regularly walk 4km 3-5 times weekly. I hope I enjoy cycling so I can cycle regularly. It’s a healthy life-style I want, not just weight-loss. I still LOVE rice, pasta & hard-dough bread but portion control and the wonderful bulk-filling low calorie filler that’s called salad, nestled alongside my rice, helps. I also now totally adore tomatoes, cucumbers, strawberries, cherries and plums. A handful (6 or 7) brazil nuts will cure any craving I have for something to chew upon. 

Above all, I am learning NOT to beat myself up. If weeks go by and the scale doesn’t register a loss, I let myself know it isn’t the end of the world. If I get lazy and don’t walk or exercise for weeks, I try to start again. If I put on a few lbs, I grit my teeth and limit the damage by stopping whatever it is I am doing wrong.  I am a comfort eater who wants to turn to food on a bad day, so sometimes instead of hitting the kitchen fridge, I hit my wardrobe, slip on those jeans I couldn’t wear last year and grin. It’s calorie-free comfort! LOL.

Making GOD a part of the journey has been my greatest help.

Today I am 10st 4lbs, (144lbs), 65kg. I often scowl at the scales totally dissatisfied, but still remember the same scales reading 206lbs/210lbs (96kg) about 20 months ago. It teaches me to be thankful.

My goal weight remains 120lbs.

xx

Weight Loss - My journey

I have struggled with my weight since I turned ten. For a skinny child who could not put on a pound no matter how much or little she ate and was regularly dosed with ‘Complan’ & ‘Weight-on’ by my worried momma, puberty hit hard. Bumps, lumps and dumps sprouted, and by the time I was 13, I had ballooned to the great weight of 110 lbs (50kg). It was no consolation that I stayed 110 lbs for the next 7yrs (that my weight-height ratio and BMI were fine) –what mattered was that I was nicely padded. Greatest bane of my life was that my waist was 26inches instead of the 23inch waist most of my friends had.

I look back upon the teenager I was and roll about on the floor laughing! Oh to be 110 lbs again!

Being married & pregnant when I was 20 ended 110 lbs. Forced into bed-rest while 'enciente', I mega-blew up and one healthy great-looking son later, was almost 50 lbs (22.7kg) heavier! Over the next 8 yrs, I proceeded to lose a few pounds and promptly put em and more back on. Divorce and single parenthood probably didn’t help much. Finally I was one round ball of lard & the scales (and fat me) had hit 189 lbs (86kg).

This was until the period I’ll call ‘1st weight loss journey’. Over 6 months of an ad-hoc diet and going to the gym sporadically, the weight fell off. I was down to 144 lbs (65kg) and a size 12. My waist which started out a tape-busting measurement of 38inches finally shrank to 30/31inches. I could live with that. Very happily!

This brilliant state of affairs lasted quite a few years. Then I fell in love, had my heart broken, buried myself in work, and because of my insane working hours, began eating at crazy times & snacking while working. 2yrs of that madness, aided by loads of platefuls of rice, numerous thick slices of hard-dough bread wilting under lashings of butter, forkfuls of pasta smothered in sauce & regular tuck-ins of burgers and fries, and stuffed-crust meat feast pizzas, and the weight fell upon me, embracing my frame with 'loving' glee!

Soon, I was up to 150lbs. I shrugged - c'mon, who can't lose 10 lbs? Slowly the needle on the scale hit 160lbs, then 165lbs, at which point I tossed out those ‘nasty’ scales. So what if my waist was now 34/35 inches and I was a UK size 14, then Size 16? I could lose it all anytime I set my mind to do so. (Great joke hmmmmm!).

I did have very short windows where I tried diets for a few weeks and lost a stone or so but those brief periods of sanity passed all too quickly. Then my job became extra-stressful, I stopped walking anywhere and drove everywhere and as the inches and lbs piled on, I became despondent and comfort ate until the new set of scales hit 189lbs and I was a size 18. I promptly thrashed the new ‘lying’ scales and resolved the problem by buying baggier clothes. *Simples!*

12 months later, 3 chins wobblier, 2 further dress sizes up, I gingerly unwrapped a new set of scales and stepped upon em. After rubbing my eyes to clear my fading eyesight, fishing out my clearly blurred contact lenses to wear my glasses, cleaning afore-said obviously foggy glasses, hopping on the scales a dozen times, gingerly standing on one foot, stripping off all my clothing. I was finally forced to admit/accept/digest the horrible truth. I had shot up to an earth-thundering, mammoth-resembling, stupendous 209 lbs (95kg). I weighed almost as much as TWO of 20yr old me!

Ok, after freaking out and having heart-thumping panic attacks, I finally did the smartest, most sensible thing I’ve ever done re my weight. I took it to God and began praying – hard!

14 months ago, God shook my shoulder one morning and said, “It’s time we get started on losing this weight.”

And thus my new weight-loss journey began. Over the last 14 months, I have lost 55lbs, began going to the gym again after a complete 10yr break, started loving and eating loads of fruit and veg, replaced soda and fruit-juice with copious gallons of water and green tea, walked miles, taken up running (okay, okay, shuffling) and crafted a diet or eating-plan that appears to work for me.

But if that sounds very noble and industrious, I’ll confess that I have slipped loads - I have cheated, stopped exercising too many more times than I care to remember, and last Novermber and December totally threw my eating healthy plan out of the window.

Despite spending the last two months chomping away upon rice and bread (my greatest weaknesses), interspaced with puff-puff and Asaro, the Lord is gracious. I put on about 4lbs, 2 inches round my waist and stomach but was still 51lbs less than I was when I began this trek.

But finally, a few days ago, the Lord was able to break through to my carb-loving, exercise-procrastinating self and I picked up my weight-loss ball again. I’ve lost the 4lbs, whittled away 1 inch off the waist, began walking 5 miles again at least 5 times a week and I head back to the torture chamber (oops Gym) this week.

Today I am 154 lbs (70kg), UK size 12 with a 29.5inch waist. Soooooo, what’s my weight-loss goal? 120lbs, UK size 10 and a 26/27inch waist.

Weight-loss and maintenance is a marathon not a sprint (sadly). It is a life-long journey not a short holiday. I have 34lbs to get to my destination and a life-time to stay there. What helps me walk this road, is the knowledge that God cares about everything that concerns me and it’s a journey where I am carried on His shoulders.

The wistful 20yr old in me would like to see 110lbs again but hey, I’ll be dancing a jig the day I step on those scales and they say 120lbs.